It annoys the piss out of me when I read an interview with a favorite female musician, artist, writer ect and right off the bat the interviewer: 1) makes a huge deal about them having a vagina and 2) mentions how they look, specifically in suggestion that they are some sort of eye-candy. I feel like it negates their talent - its like half a dozen design interviews I've been on where its clear they are thinking: "oh how cute, she thinks she's an artist!" because they either barely glance at my portfolio and some never looked at it at all... but if your an artist how they hell are they to judge your skills if they are ignoring your portfolio?

Why does it matter if they are attractive at all - attraction and beauty is subjective. And not to mention there's inevitably a photo of the person they are interviewing for the reader to clearly see what the person looks like! But of course if you own a vag we need to be validated as attractive in order to be talented... even, apparently if the interviewer is a woman.

In the interview entitled, Sonic Youth Ages Gracefully, (oh don't even get me started on the title) Kim Gordon is talking about packing to go on tour and the jackass interviewing her seriously, seriously, says to Kim Gordon,"Yeah all those shoes!" what?! what the hell?! Because every woman owns so many shoes how on earth would a successful, talented woman possibly live without seven thousand pairs of shoes?! Is this 2009? You know you'd never get this sort of thing with an interview with a male anything.. most times not even in a women's magazine would they resort to such utter stupidity. I just heard a podcast with Thurston Moore and Lee Ranaldo they didn't ask them about packing shoes, or mention how attractive the interviewer may think they are.

The only other interview that pissed me off more than this one was one with Tanya Donelly with the Providence Phoenix and the person interviewing her described, in detail, exactly what she was wearing. I remember pausing in the midst of reading this thinking, "What does her clothes have to do with her musical talent?!" Much in the same way as, What does Kim Gordon's shoes have to do with fucking anything?!I think Kim Gordon handled this interview with far more grace than I probably could of.

I was a tall girl, taller than most of the girls and boys, even in high school. I'm still tall - 5'9". I used to hate being the tall kid, I used to wish I could somehow make myself smaller. Teachers used to jokingly suggest that I could be a basketball player. I didn't even like playing basketball and I hated gym class unless we were doing gymnastics that day. I once had an English teacher in Junior High who, in a diatribe about body types and what certain ones could and couldn't do, pointed to me (in front of the whole class) and said, "you couldn't imagine Mel here, flipping around doing gymnastics like Jessica (pointed to the petite cheerleader sitting next to me)." What he didn't know, was that Jessica and I had probably had been taking gymnastics lessons for about the same amount of time. I started lessons when I was five and, I could flip around just like Jessica.

By the time I had reached about 11 or 12, the jokes about me being a basketball player turned into comments that I should be a model. This seemed more favorable to me. I never thought of myself as pretty enough to be a model. Though, I figured if people thought I could be a model, maybe I could fool everyone into believing that I wasn't a tall, skinny, frizzy-haired girl with a space between her two front teeth. When I was 14 or 15, there was a model search, with a national agency, at the mall. There were literally hundreds of girls and women waiting for their chance to be interviewed with the possibility of being a model in New York. I can't recall what the hell I wore, and much of what they said. Though I do recall being disappointed that, according to this agency, the proper height one needed to be to a model in New York was 5'9" and at time, I was only 5'7". I recently read that supermodel Kate Moss, is 5'7"... I guess someone made an exception for her.

This modeling agency did call me for an interview for the following week. My Mom went with me. She assured the the woman interviewing us that I could still grow a few more inches as my grandfather was 6'. The interviewer was ecstatic that I had been a dancer since I was 3, meaning I was physically active and didn't have any pesky weight issues. They also thought my dance background would be helpful in my ability to walk down a runway. Thinking about it now: how much coordination does it really take to do this? Then, the interviewer asked how well I tan in the summer. She was happy to hear that I didn't tan at all thanks to my Scottish/Irish heritage. Her exact words were, "dark skin doesn't photograph well..." then later corrected herself saying that "tanning makes ones' skin tone uneven.." hence the dark skin not photographing well comment. Next came a question about my hair - my long, thick, sometimes course, curly hair - the cause of much swearing and ponytail wearing. The interview asked if I could "do something with it." Her suggestion of me "doing something with it" was along the lines of straightening and/or having it chemically relaxed. Which is funny because every hair hairdresser I've ever had, has told me that women pay lots of money to perm their hair to look like mine and here was this dumb bitch telling me to get rid of it. This modeling agency wanted me to sign up for modeling classes, which meant I would've had to drop dance and gymnastics lessons - that was out of the question.

After that humbling interview, I went to the now defunct, Rhode Island Modeling. I recall walking into the owner's office and seeing a sign above the door that read, "think thin." The owner at this agency convinced my Mother to sign me up for a one day model workshop so that I could see what the modeling world was all about. So off I went, one Saturday morning, to the modeling workshop to learn how to walk on a runway, and to stand there and look pretty. I've never felt more out of place than I did that day.



The thought of sneaking away crossed my mind several times during the course of the day. I knew pretty much right away, that I was nothing like the other models. They had all modeled prior. They all seemed pretty much about modeling and not a whole lot of anything else. Modeling was their life. There were four of us that were teenagers, there was a guy and a girl in their early twenties and then there was the thirty year old who looked forty (at least to me she did). This woman looked like she was wearing every ounce of make-up she owned and possibly every hair product - this wasn't the 80's it was the early 90's. Our first lesson of the day, started with us learning how to make facial expressions and striking poses in front of these floor to ceiling mirrors. I could've done this in dance class and gotten more out of it. I guess the 'lesson' was learning how we look doing different things? I remember one guy literally crawling on his hands and knees on the floor, in front of the mirror, making these crazy faces. Another lesson included how to walk on a runway, we even got music to walk to, and they had a fake runway for us to practice on! At least they fed us lunch. Lunch is sometimes the deal breaker. I once had a summer internship in Newport that I hated, but loved to walk to Touro Park to each lunch. Lunch was the best thing about that job,that and leaving at the end of the day.

After our lunch, we learnt how to put on make-up. I've never been much of a make-up wearing type of gal, I've always associated it with performing, such as in dance recitals, and not every day use. I'm sure the older woman had to chisel off her first layer to get this new layer on. I had no idea what was what, which was okay, because we had an instructor to help us future dykes and gay men apply concealer, foundation, powder, highlighter, shadow, and lipstick all with a q-tip and a sponge. The straight girls were done in seconds and needed no instructions. And since we were all made up like cheap whores, or at least that is how I felt, it was then time for our photo shoot!

Thankfully the photo shoot concluded the model workshop and then I could gather my things and get the hell out of there. It also concluded any interest I ever had for modeling. Sure the pictures came out alright. They gave my Mother the contact sheet and not the actual images which seemed pretty shitty. A few years later, I seen one of my former model workshop classmates at an auto show, I think he was there representing the agency, handing out flyers. When asked if I was still modeling, I said, "hmm no... I think I want to go to school for fashion design instead."

Now, I use myself in my art, but its not about being perfect, and thin with straightened hair. In my photographs, sometimes I am just a character, in costume, its more play and having fun. Sometimes I'm me. Its not about living up to someone else's standards of beauty. Its not about what is designating something that should or shouldn't be captured on film or on canvas. I let it all show, scars, frizzy hair and all.

from: Truthdig.com
“Pina Bausch continually pushed the boundaries of what we call dance,” said John Neumeier, director of the Hamburg Ballet. “I simply cannot imagine a successor.... ”

Call for Art!
The 20th Anniversary of Gallery X Public Hanging!
The show that started it all!
Open to all artists and all media
2-D must be ready to hang
$10 per piece with a limit of 3 pieces

Exhibition runs from July 29 - August 30
with an opening reception on Saturday, August 1, 7-10pm

Drop off: July 22 - July 26 during gallery hours.

The book, "Look at My Ugly Face" by Sara Halprin, continues to inspire me to write about my experience with beauty. I was reading this chapter about scars - the visible kind. There were these women who were ashamed of their scars and felt it effected their physical appearance in a negative way. For example, one woman sought alternative treatment for her thyroid cancer so that she could avoid the scar, on her throat, because she was already self conscious about another scar on her body. She didn't want another scar. I can't believe that the pressure in society to look a certain way would push a cancer patient to take seemingly foolish measures. Thyroid cancer is curable with the removal of one's thyroid! True, the person is allegedly fine now.

I don't mind my thyroid surgery scar - or any of them for that matter - I have a faint mark on my thigh where I spilled hot coffee, and one on my stomach where I had to have a birth mark removed. When I had the birthmark removed, I was totally fascinated with them cutting my skin off and stitching it up. I had to refrain from constantly touching the stitches because it was the first time I had ever had to have stitches. I was slightly less fascinated with the incision on my throat (no stitches but skin glue) as it hurt more and made movement difficult. I was once told that my thyroid scar is a 'wicked scar' by someone who had a fetish for scars. I've never felt a great attachment to my alleged attractiveness, so maybe I've been lucky in that sense. I've always doubted people's opinion on how I look, I may be my own worst enemy but when I was diagnosed with cancer I thought I'd lose my hair and my first thought was, 'it'll grow back, right? and hey, I can finally have that shaved head look that I've always threatened to have on bad hair days!' I idea of having a scar on me for life was the furthest thing from my mind.

My scar is a lucky scar. If I weren't so mortified by the goiter that having hypothyroidism caused, I probably wouldn't had that first surgery to remove the enlarged part of my thyroid. They wouldn't have found my cancer early. I hated the goiter, while my Mother claimed no one could really notice it. I knew it was there! I was always afraid someone would notice it and think it was an Adam's apple. I had to suffer with it for years because removing it was considered 'cosmetic' and my health insurance wouldn't cover its removal. I would hide it as much as I could with big necklaces, turtlenecks, and scarves. After about five years of having that horrible thing sticking out of my neck, it grew more! Since I was (and still am) on medication for hypothyroidism which was supposed to prevent it from getting bigger, the doctor was able to justify surgery to the health insurance company.

Now I'll go weeks without jewelry. I'm not totally self conscious on occasions where my neck couldn't be hidden, like at the beach, yoga class, or having sex. Most people don't even notice the scar which has faded to a faint line on my neck.

I am currently reading "Look at My Ugly Face" by Sara Halprin. It makes me think back to many things... My mother worrying (more than me) about my appearance. She feared ridicule from my classmates, if I didn't look a certain way, like she experienced due to her overbite. My classmates still picked on what they thought "easy prey," the skinny (read frail), big eyed, quiet/shy girl. Yet I had boyfriend after boyfriend, while my Mother's obsession with how I looked reached manic proportions. I recall her once vigorously brushing out my curls after a mud hair treatment to make my hair, I don't know, less frizzy, less curly? She claimed my hair "was in knots." I think the "knots" where just my curls. The result of her brushing my curly hair was that it frizzed out. She proclaimed the product a failure to make my hair "normal." What was "normal" I couldn't have told you. She made me try hair product after hair product in hopes of a miracle cure to my wild curls. Nothing short of shaving my head will cure them. Along with her obsession with my hair, my mother also became concerned about skin care regime. She would buy skin product after skin product claiming the few pimples I did get as a tween/teen were due to the fact I washed my face with Noxema. One of the products she made me try, burnt my skin so that it was red and blotchy for a few days.

I learnt early on what a hoax/joke the beauty process was. I think somewhere around 15, I rebelled against it all. I found grunge/alternative music that made it appear that it was okay to look like crap if even your a girl. The girls in the Nirvana's "Smells like Teen Spirit" video looked perfectly accepting of how they looked. I wore men's clothing, I ditched the make-up, I wore mismatched clothes on purpose (that drove my now ex-boyfriend insane). I made the most of my long frizzy curls in barrettes, braids, splitting my hair into sections and making a bunch of knots on top of my head like Bjork in the 'Big Time Sensuality' video.



I began emulating male artists as much as females. No one scoffed at Eddy Vedder with his unkempt hair - maybe his mother did, but I didn't hear about it. People, for the most part, thought he was cool back in the 90's. My ex-boyfriend wanted to be him, and I kind of did as well. I had reached the point where I didn't want to simply just attract men or women. I wanted them to like me for my beauty and brains. And most importantly, I wanted to be on equal footing with men and boys. I could ask boys out - a concept that nearly drove my female family members insane, while my female friends cheered me on. One would think that my family knew right then, I was never going to grow up to be a stereotypical woman. Yet... it took years for my grandmother to stop telling me about places I could go to meet nice guys. And my mother has finally stopped encouraging me to wear the eye make-up that makes my eyes itch. I suppose itchy eyes are just part of the female ritual I was supposed to be part of... I wanted to be beautiful, there's a part that still does, but sometimes its such a pain in the ass, and not always worth it.

I got this link from facebook , its all these quotes from Kim Gordon. This one is my favorite:
I don’t feel old. Most people don’t think of themselves as the age they are. It’s different when you don’t work nine to five. Asking when I’ll retire is like saying, “When are you turning your brain off?"

and ps. Kim Gordon, where the hell are you "heavier than I should be" ???!!! Last time I seen a Sonic Youth video I was thinking damn, I want to look that good now never mind when I hit 50. I suppose just because your in the spotlight doesn't mean you can't be your own worst enemy.

I'm currently reading this book on beauty and body issues, maybe every woman should read it. Its called "look at my ugly face" by Sara Halprin. So far it brings up some very interesting points like the beauty myth of the lithe, young,white women being the beauty standard around the world and how some women have had to come to terms with that and others who defied it.

We preserve 'memories' in photographs. They are captured pieces of time that we can hold onto long after the subject has grown old and passed away. We hang photos on the wall, display them in our living room or our Facebook page. Some store them away in a manila envelope in the bookcase, like my Mother did. But the one she didn't store, was this small black and white of my great-grandmother. My grandmother claims that her mother was, 'very young' in this photo. My Mother has this photograph in this tiny little gold frame that holds two photos: my Great-Grandmother's photo is along side a photo of my Grandmother from the 50's.

The thing that strikes everyone who sees this photograph of my great grandmother, other than the fact that she looks like a flapper, is that it looks like me dressed as a flapper. There is little doubt that we are not related.

I've thought about how I could depict her, which would be difficult considering I have a limited source for doing so. I have only one other photo of her from her wedding - she looks like the most somber bride I've ever saw. I originally wanted to paint the wedding photo of my great grandparents. I've abandoned the idea to paint the wedding photo over and over as I didn't want it to be a copy of the photograph. The idea to do this flapper photo as a painting was presented to me, but still, I didn't like the idea of copying the photograph and calling it a painting. Until I took a walk the other day, then the image came to me as clear as the blue sky that actually reared its head after nearly two weeks of rain.

written and photographed by moi:
http://lezgetreal.com/?p=15237

I was supposed to go to this meeting in Providence with Mayor David N. Cicilline who was going to unveil the Creative Providence Cultural Plan. It was open to the pubic. Of course my work schedule is cuckoo, and I decided to wait to RSVP my seat. Well, I said I was going on facebook but from going to the site I realized I was supposed to contact the contact person - oops! This just means, I should do something creative or take a walk since the sun is finally shinning!

Last night, I had on after-hours jazz on WBRU, somewhere around 2 or 3am the radio station lost it signal so I switched to HJY, when I awoke this morning the dumb and dumber aka: Paul and Al were already making fun of Michael Jackson, who just died last night! Okay, I know this is their thing, to make fun of everything, but holy god, the guy just died! I stopped listening to the moron - I mean morning show on HJY a long time ago, when I got sick of listening to them make fun of gays. I feel like Paul and Al are stuck in another time period, one where its perfectly acceptable to sit in their little hetero bubble and make fun of someone who doesn't happen to sleep with the opposite sex. They still make the same jokes that they did in the 80's when they started out on this radio station! Their radio show is for white, stupid rednecks, there must still be some hanging around RI and that's why they are still on the radio.

Needless to say, I changed the station before they could finish making fun of Michael Jackson. He was one of my favorites when I was a kid. I used to have a pin of him that my mom had bought me some store in the mall, that is until some girl at school stole it off of my jacket - we couldn't prove she did, but she did still my smurf gloves which she waved in my face saying her parent had bought her the same ones. Oddly enough that was the exact moment when I couldn't find mine. I believe her first name was, Jen, and she was the type of kid you just wanted to bitch slap, if you yourself were not a kid half her body weight.

A few weeks back, I made a cd of the current songs that are in constant rotation on my itunes. The cd in question just happened to be playing in my car to and from PRIDE.. so my friend, Pop, mentioned how much he enjoyed it. I promised to make him a copy, which I did... but I thought I'd share with the world wide web...

I decided its called "Pop's Pop" you can hear some samples on my lastfm playlist:

1. Empty Glasses (4-track version)- The Amps
2. Flower - Sonic Youth
3. Hi, Remember Me - My Brightest Diamond
4. French Navy - Camera Obscura
5. No Garage - Sonic Youth
6. Tight Black Rubber - Black Francis
7. Bruises - Chairlift
8. The Lovecats - Dylan in the Movies & Tanya Donelly
9. O, Shot - The Gay Blades
10. Fate To Fatal - The Breeders
11. Tell The World - The Vivian Girls
12. Dancing Choose - TV on the Radio
13. People Got A Lot of Nerve - Neko Case
14. Le Flying Saucer Hat - Chairlift
15. Pay No Mind - Sonic Youth
16. God Damn the Sun - Dresden Dolls
17. Friendboats - Mariee Sioux
18. Don't Stop Believin' - Marnie Stern

currently been a little obsessed with Neko Case who did an in studio interview/performance here. Its pretty sweet.

Art exhibits coming down, new ones going up, working the day job, writing, the PRIDE parade, dancing in the streets... its been quite the past two weeks!

I haven't danced in months and after Sunday night's after PRIDE party at Dark Lady, which was $4 by the way, I can't believe its been months since I went out to shake my groove thing. The band that played, was pretty amazing and fun to listen and groove to. I wished I didn't have to get up so early the next morning so i could've stayed and danced with my friends and strangers ... it was bad enough I got home and to bed around 1am!

State of the Arts at URI is coming down and Art from the Streets is going up this week! I have a piece in the show:

This evening was the opening for the State of the Arts. I know I was in the show last year, but I felt like it was an excuse for me to have the night off and to be social, what little socializing there was to be had. People allegedly stayed in rather than venture out into the light mist of an evening in June... its what, 65 out? Its not like its 30 below and snowing. There were plenty of cars, as I parked pretty far away from URI and took my gimpy umbrella, every little gust of wind made it wish to turn inside out so I had to hold it, after I figured out that it wasn't broken in the first place that is. Maybe everyone owns gimpy umbrellas that didn't go out this evening and that is the reason Providence looked like a ghost town... hardly anyone on the streets, driving or walking yet so many cars parked... weird.

I stopped off at Gallery Q in hopes that the Sabrina Blaze performance was still going on an hour after it started,I was a bit late. No such luck, it was a ghost town of gays in there as well...which is unfortunate, because the work was interesting. I enjoyed the installation of the little cut-out people over a light, it was a like a people-cut-out chandelier, I think it was made of paper. Also, Tamara Diaz had some work in the show, her work is always amazing. There was also an entire wall of pulp book covers - the kind of pulp books from like the 50's that were about how depraved gays were even though it was typically gay writers who wrote them. It was a double edged sword because they could write about being gay, but it had to have a sad ending for the gay 'heros' of the story... but the covers are always hilarious.

Then I was off into the rain, and across the street to URI for yet another dead evening at yet another gallery. Tamara Diaz had work in this show too - good for her - its right there when you walk through the door along with some weird kinetic sculptures. I was also psyched to see work by Astrid because her work is amazing. My work is hung in the exact same spot that it was last year - up stairs on the landing - I wonder if the curator did that on purpose? I always pass right on by my own work if no one I know is with me, at least others were not doing the same. There were some interesting photos on the stairway but I forget who did them.

I headed out the door leading to Washington St... skipped across the street missing puddles and crack dealers at the bus stop in front of Lupos and on to the As220 Project Space. And no one was there either! The artists, Nick Hollibaugh and Ben Watkins, got this huge review in the Projo too! There was supposed to be a 'artist talk' at 6 and when I arrived it was after 6 and there was approximately 6 people there including myself... needless to say, the talk had yet to start...they just asked us if we had any questions. I really enjoyed some of the pieces, I'm glad I didn't skip over the show because the piece that they showed in the projo just looked, meh. But it wasn't all, meh, some of it was pretty amazing. The space is so small though, that was the first time I'd been there. And I ran into Neal (As220 gallery director) so we chatted, after asking me about my work/exhibits, he said he might head on over to URI if there was time later.

Since it was still raining and I was getting wet anyhow, I headed on over to As220 on Empire St. because it was on the way back to my car in a roundabout sort of way. I fell in love with some mixed media pieces by Leslie Friedman, that I could never possibly afford... or really have the room for because they were pretty large scale.

By this time, I decided that no one was coming to my show, as I hadn't received any phone calls or text messages, so I went to Reflections for iced chai and decided to call it a night...I've decided to end my evening by checking out those Pixies videos I didn't get to watch on stereogum, maybe read the "sookie stackhouse" novel that I borrowed...

I got this wonderfully fluffy email from 4AD the lovelies across the pond, who first signed RI fav's the Throwing Muses, and Boston fav's the Pixies... and some band called, Big Pink is also on 4AD. My friends and I have a friend whom we refer to as "Big Pink" so my first thought is Rebecca came out with an album!

Also in this email, it states there is this new Pixies cd thing coming out and I think, fabulous! I guess it was designed by Vaughn Oliver, whom I LOVE! so I click on the little link in the email as I missed the boat on the gallery event with the band and Mr. Oliver which is happening this evening, or maybe it already did, there is a time difference I hear. So there are two versions. One costs $495, which is most of my savings account. It is a limited edition - it has all of their albums in it - I own all their albums.. but to be fair the band did sign it and it comes with a dvd that I may possibly not already own. Though in my humble opinion for almost $500 the fucking Pixies better also come to my house and play on my front lawn.

So I guess I won't be picking this one up... I'll save it for tickets their next reunion tour.

State of the Arts in RI
URI Feinstein Providence Campus
80 Washington St.
Opening Reception, June 18th, 5-9pm

MidSummer Muse
Gallery X
members' summer exhibit
June 17-26
Opening Reception June 20th 7-10pm
(which I will not be at, because I'll be at Providence PRIDE)

Gallery X is located at 169 William St. New Bedford, MA

******

Also check out my latest blog on LezGetReal.

Interesting article on LezGetReal: Gendertopia After School Program Gives Insight Into Gender Expression: http://lezgetreal.com/?p=14496


the rest of my post is here: http://melanieducharme.wordpress.com/2009/06/10/linking-mania/
because html and css are making my life a living hell... why does myspace and LJ need to have code that doesn't correspond with wordpress?!!! if someone knows of a way for me to just post once please tell me so I don't have to play with code!

writing about sex - big surprise... so that'll be coming soon to a computer screen near you!

Entered yet another art exhibit that is opening very very soon, but since the opportunity did present itself I figured, what the hell! Hopefully they'll put my work in. Though my first thought was "shit! do I have anything left to show?!" I stopped looked up at the painting hanging over my computer desk and thought, "this isn't promised to any gallery yet!" I also recalled the several others I have here and there.. like this one for instance:



Yesterday afternoon, I went to the show at Mom and Pop tattoo... Sonic Nova has some cool stuff displayed there, so go check it out. There were other artists as well who had some sweet stuff, and there were bands, bands which I didn't get to see because I didn't realize they weren't playing until much later. I kind of wanted to see The Viennagram, but I had podcasting to do. And I'm not sure I would've lasted much longer in that heat anyhow, I seem to wilt in it. Sonic Nova, of course, was wearing part of his flaming carrot costume much to my and everyone elses' disbelief and amusement, he was posing (in full costume) for pictures!

Speaking of music, I was asked about the first show I ever went to.. which was Bon Jovi with Skid Row opening at the Providence Civic Center - oh the shame! Then I was asked about my top favorite concerts. Of course I can't even pick ONE favorite band, never mind a favorite of all time show! I think some would be: Kristin Hersh with Vic Chestnut at Lupos, PJ Harvey at Lupos, Ann & Nancy Wilson at Mohegan Sun, Throwing Muses at the Met Cafe, Bjork with Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs at the Fleet Center, The Amazing Crowns at India Point Park (and it was free!), David Bowie with Macy Gray at Mohegan Sun, Heather Rose and Chris Rosenquest playing the closing reception of my solo show at WestSide Arts... actually that one was a relief that I didn't have to be the center of attention but they did! the punk show that Reason to Fight played at CBGB's (like a million years ago) was also pretty monumental even if I did have to hide behind a dude who is referred to as "Pete Pills" to avoid the flying people and furniture. Who knew people could launch themselves across a room like that?

Opening this weekend!

and opening on the 18th!


also! wrote my first piece for LezGetReal.. with butterflies in my belly! its here!

"...the court upheld Proposition 8, keeping in place the constitutional ban on marriage equality in the Golden State. As for the thousands of couples married last year before Prop 8 passed, they will remain married in the eyes of the law." - Human Rights Campaign

********

I suppose the righteous right would love to call me depraved. In the 1950's they would've told me that I can again be "straight," much like in the movie "but I'm a Cheerleader." They may have sent me to some sort of pseudo-scientist to cure me of what allegedly ails me. That alleged ailment being that I am bisexual. I don't have an ailment, I'm not going through a phase... its a part of me. I won't try to change it. I will love who I love. And I will fight for the same rights as everyone else to live as I chose, to love whom I chose, to marry and have children with whom I chose. The righteous right winged may call my desires a threat to the sanctity of marriage. I would tell them to check the divorce rates and the amount of people cheating on their spouses. Then, tell me about your "sanctity of marriage" and marriage being defined as "one man to one woman."

While we are talking about the privilege of being married, I'd like to ask those that so adamantly are against anyone but heterosexuals marrying, what is it to them? How truly would it affect your day if any adult could marry who they damn well choose? Its not like we're going to be throwing a big gay wedding on your front lawn. How would they like it if the government didn't acknowledging their spouse as their spouse? Meaning there are a laundry list of things that you will no longer be privy to, such as getting benefits of said spouse, even if they die. Speaking of tragedies, if your partner ends up in a hospital that doesn't bother to recognize you as a couple because you are not "married" in the eyes of the law, you may not be visiting your loved one without permission of their family, if your lucky.

I don't understand anyone who could look themselves in the mirror knowing full-well that they are preventing people from their rights as American Citizens, just because. You disgust me, and you should be ashamed of yourselves. Though I know your pretty damn proud of yourselves. You know, Pride is a sin according to your almighty jesus who you claim this is all about...

But please don't put god or jesus into this, because you know what? I went to Catechism classes from grades 1-12. I had the jesus stories force fed down my throat and the ten commandments every single year, along with the holy this, that and the other thing. And at no point during all the years I was forced to the jesus classes did they ever mention that one should treat someone like less of a person, because they were of a different race, religion, or sexual orientation. Maybe my Catechism was different but, I do believe the Christian religion taught me to be tolerant, loving, honest, and to treat everyone as equals. So there goes your theory that "God doesn't like gays."

My ex-girlfriend didn't like holding my hand in public. I believe it was a combination of fear of being seen as gay, and the fact that her family didn't like the fact that she was dating a woman. Guilt and fear. I'm sure there are plenty who have or are in this predicament. This is no way to live, in fear of showing the world who you love. Like rebels of past who stood against opposition, I will protest, I will stand up on my soapbox, blog, or my own front lawn and proclaim that we deserve equal rights! You can curse us, invoke the name of your god, but you won't beat us down because we aren't going away!

****

interesting and helpful links:

article from USA today "Women's bisexuality an 'identity,' not phase":

GLADD

The Kinsey Institute

more on divorce rates

I've been stuck in the house with a bad cold so its been nothing but reading, movie watching and listening to one cd/mp3 after another. The other day I contemplated listening to all my cds in alphabetical order just for shits and giggles. I didn't do it. Though, I did watch episodes of Buffy, Family Guy, and Bones. I also watched a mediocre horror movie called "White Noise." I got it from the local library which never seems to have a good selection of dvds. They always have movies that are at least three years old, which should be a good selection for someone who seems to miss movies when they actually come out but... its not. Its been awhile since I watched a quality horror flick, the last one was this Korean film called "the host." It wasn't scary but it was suspenseful, unpredictable, and well done, which is something I can not say about "White Noise."

Since I've been sitting (or laying) on my ass, I decided to sit my ass in front of the computer for a long amount of time. I finally got around to checking out Kristin Hersh's website, I haven't visited in awhile I'm abashed to admit. Its all newly designed by Lakuna which is the design studio of Misi and Dave Narcizo (Throwing Muses drummer). Dave is the sort of dude I'd shake hands with, if I weren't completely intimidated by the fact that he's the drummer the Throwing Muses.

Kristin Hersh put up new songs on her Cashmusic site. For once, I actually paid for my mp3's. In her song, "Sand" I swore she was saying "Rape!" at the beginning of the song. I was half expecting a "don't do it, because its not nice.." in there. I don't believe she has any rape or really political songs, but I figured maybe she was going in a new direction with this one. I tried to look up the song lyrics because sometimes I just hear weird things in songs, like that Throwing Muses song where I swore she was proclaiming: "I need a fuck.." turns out it was "fork." Or that Pixies song "Levitate Me" where it sounds like Frank Black says, "kick a baby." Before I get hate mail, I don't condone kicking babies, but that part of the song strikes me funny because he seems to say it with such gusto.. and its funny because its wrong.

So anyhow, Kristin Hersh is not saying, "Rape!" at the beginning of "Sand." I couldn't find the lyrics on her site, but there was an explanation of the song, which had nothing to do with rape, so there goes that theory. Maybe if she's reading this... she has my permission to write "Rape! don't do it because its not nice." though it sounds more like subject for an Amanda Palmer song.

I feel I should explain "Rape! don't do it because its not nice" was a comment one of my fellow cocktail club members proclaimed in our podcast about me blogging to help get donations for RAINN (the rape abuse incest national network). We were trying desperately to not be assholes about the subject, so of coures of us spewed that out. I think that was the same podcast in which I spewed out a quote from Victorian Erotica which was something along the lines of "fuck me with a prick of hate, not love!"